The Akatsuki Go To Daycare!
by 0Kuro Tenshi0
Summary: Two-shot, maybe more. Akatsuki as todlers. The Akatsuki go to Daycare! What horrors await them?
1. Chapter 1

**(A/n: this idea has been nagging me for the last few days, and if it's crappy, then its cause I made most of this shit up off the top of my head. The rest came from an actual story my granny told me. You don't like don't read. I own nothing. Enjoy.)**

**Chapter 1**

I signed the last few papers and gave them to the cheerful woman behind the desk. "Just bring them tomorrow!" she chirped and waved as I got up to leave. I drove home as fast as I could.

~*next day (third person)*~

Naomi dropped off ten little toddlers at eight in the morning. "I'll be back to pick them up at three. Bye!" she left hurried back to car after warning the toddlers to behave.

"So," said Thomas, wobbling back into the main room. "My name is Thomas, what's your's?" he asked the children who were huddled up in the center of the room. There were nine boys and one girl. One boy with silver hair scowled and gave Thomas the finger before going back to arguing with another boy with tan skin and stitches all over his body. Two other boys who were arguing- one with red hair and another with blonde, some hanging in his face- ignored him altogether. A boy with black hair and red eyes who was sitting next to a boy with blue skin and markings on his face sighed and stood, walking over to Thomas. "I'm Itachi. That's Kisame-"he pointed to the blue skinned boy- "Deidara and Sasori-" the blonde and red head who were still arguing-"Hidan and Kakuzu-" the silver haired boy who had flipped Thomas off and the boy who had all the stitches-"Tobi and Zetsu," a boy with an orange swirl-y mask who was sitting by a boy who was literally half black and half white-"and Konan and Nagato." He pointed to the last two; a boy with semi-bright red hair and ringed eyes, and the girl with blue hair. And with that he went back to sit by Kisame.

Thomas sat down his crutches and sat in a chair by the window. A few minutes later he felt a tap on his knee. He looked down and saw Hidan standing there, looking suspiciously sweet. "Yeah?" Thomas asked warily. Hidan pointed to Thomas's broken leg. "What's wrong with it?" he cocked his head to the side.

Thomas almost let down his guard. Almost. "I broke it."

"Oh." Hidan nodded in understanding. Then he picked up Thomas's broken leg and threw it down as hard as he could on the ground. Thomas screamed a very manly scream and fell out of his chair **(A/n: very manly my ass… XD)**. Hidan laughed and started for the jump rope in the corner.

Kakuzu got up and hit him over the head, starting another argument.

A brunette with bright blue eyes came into the room. "Tom I thought I heard-" she paused at the sight of the toddlers and Thomas writhing on the floor in pain. "Tom… what happened?" she asked slowly, as if she didn't believe what she saw.

"That little bitch threw my leg down!" he yelled, pointing angrily at Hidan.

"Tom! Don't curse in front of children!" the brunette scolded Tom as she helped him back into his chair.

"But Ace, he-"

"I don't care what he did. Don't curse." Ace said. She felt a tug on the hem of her shirt. Looking down, she saw Hidan staring up at her with wide eyes. "Ace, what does bitch mean?"

"It's a bad word that you should _not_ repeat." She told him, glaring at Thomas. Hidan peered around her and snickered at Thomas, sticking his tongue out. Thomas's mouth fell open. "That- did you- he just-" he sputtered, pointed at Hidan, who was looking at Thomas with innocent curiosity. "Mister Tom, are you ok?" he tilted his head to the side.

"Hidan, stop messing with Thomas." Kakuzu said, scolding his partner. "Fuck you!" Hidan spat back.

"Hey, be nice you two. Watch your mouth." Ace warned.

**To be continued…**

**(A/n: That's all for now folks! I'll update this when I'm not doing my other story. See ya later!)**


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/n: hey peeps. This is the first thing I'm typing on my new [And first] computer. I'm so fucking happy right now that the only thing I can fucking do to show it is to curse like a fucking sailor. Was that necessary? Nope. Do I care? Hell nope. :D [And yes, I know that that was improper English for any dumb shits who can't tell the difference when I am and am not joking.] Should I continue with this story?**

**Anyway, enjoy the second and probably last part of The Akatsuki Go to Daycare!**

**[P.S- the reason why this chapter is so long is that I started typing it on Christmas night and kept adding on each day.])**

**The Akatsuki Go to Daycare Part 2**

After the whole incident with Hidan and Thomas's broken leg was over and Thomas had gained his composure, he and Ace decided to move on to the first activity of the day: math. Most of the mini-criminals groaned in protest. "Fuck no!" Hidan yelled, throwing the block he held in his tiny hand at Thomas. The block was made of wood, and its' corner struck Thomas in the head above his right eye.

"GODDAMMIT, YOU FUCKING HELLSPAWN!" Thomas howled, grabbing his injured head.

"Tom watch your language!" Ace scolded him, appearing out of the closet with the workbooks that they would need.

Thomas gaped at the older girl. "Wha-he-you-… WHAT? That demon just hit me with a fucking _WOODEN_ block and you tell me to watch my _language_?"

Ace sat the books down on a nearby table and glared at him, fists on her hips. "I told you to watch your language and I mean it. And you," she turned on Hidan, who had been smirking evilly at Thomas throughout his scolding but wiped his face of any emotion now that Ace's attention was on him. "leave Thomas alone and stop cursing."

He looked down at his feet, face clouded with false shame and sadness. Fat tears welled up in his violet eyes. "I'm sorry Ace. I promise I won't do anything bad again."

Ace's hard expression softened immediately and she grinned, scooping Hidan up in a giant hug. "It's fine, but you better not do anything else, ok?" she felt the little trouble-maker nod in her shoulder; but unbeknown to Ace, Hidan was giving Thomas the evil eye, and Thomas glared back.

After the group finished their math lesson, they moved on to the next activity: art. This, of course, conjured another argument between Sasori and Deidara.

"No that's stupid- art should never go away so quickly, it should last for decades!" Sasori stated in a calm manner, a hint of annoyance evident on his face.

"You're the one that's wrong Danna hm! Art is fleeting, it gone like that!" Deidara said, snapping his chubby fingers. "Not like those shitty dolls you play with!"

"They're not dolls, they're puppets!"

"Dolls…"

"Puppets."

"Dolls."

"Puppets!"

"Dolls!"

"Boys, boys calm down." Ace said, stand in between Sasori and Deidara, whom looked about ready to tear each other's heads off. "Is it really that important?"

"YES!" they both looked at Ace as if she had grown a second head.

"Well how about this," she said; quickly trying to find a solution that would calm both of the angry toddlers. "Sasori; your, erm, _puppets_ are not dolls."

Sasori shot Deidara, who had pouted when Ace "corrected" him, a victorious smirk. "Art is still fleeting." Deidara mumbled, sticking his tongue out at Sasori.

"No, you incompetent ass it's eternal."

"You know what, if I hear another word out of either of you or I'll send you to time-out." Ace said through her teeth, pinching the bridge of her nose. Once it was relatively quiet, she went off to find some aspirin, telling Thomas to get started on the project.

Surprisingly enough, the children listened to Thomas when he told then to get seated at the big table in the middle of the room. Ten pairs of eyes looked up at Thomas expectantly. "We're going to be split up into two teams, one painting and the other sculpting." Thomas expected to have to explain further but was slightly surprised when they all nodded in understanding. 'Well these are strange children.' He thought, glancing at Kisame and Zetsu before continuing.

"Raise your hand if you want to be on the painting team." Sasori, Itachi, Kakuzu, Nagato, and Zetsu all raised their hands.

"Good. You five move down to this end of the table." Thomas said, gesturing to the end closest to himself. They switched their seats quickly. "Are the rest of you fine with your team?" there were no protests so he figured that they were. At that moment, Ace came back into the room, a glass of water in her hand.

"You take the ones with the play dough." She said, shoving a box of multi-colored play dough into Thomas's free hand. When he opened his mouth to protest she sent him a glare as if to say "don't fuck with me" and he promptly closed it.

Thomas went to the other end of the table, opening the box and passing out the clay to the kids on his team. Ace did the same with the paint, brushes, and paper. About ten minutes later, just about everyone was done. Ace told her group to get up and put their paintings in their cubbies on the wall to dry, and Thomas told his group to put their sculptures in their cubbies so they could dry as well. Thomas looked up at the clock on the wall. It read 11:15. "Shouldn't you start on lunch now?" he asked Ace, gesturing towards the clock.

"Hm, I guess so. I'll send Gaki in so nothing happens." She said, glancing at Hidan. He glared back. She ignored him and started for the kitchen.

"Y'all can have free time for the next fifteen minutes." Thomas said, leaning back in his chair while trying to rest his eyes. He had barely drifted off into the corners of his mind when he felt a light tap on his arm. Opening one of his eyes, he looked down and saw the kid with the orange mask, Tobi. "What do you need?" Thomas asked; a bit annoyed that his daydream was interrupted.

"Tobi has to go potty!" he whined, wiggling a bit while holding his… thingy-thing…

Thomas sighed. He couldn't take Tobi to the bathroom yet because Gaki hadn't come yet and he couldn't leave nine children alone in the class room. "Can you hold it?" Thomas asked, praying that he'll say yes. "Noooooo…" Tobi continued to whine and wiggle. Thomas sighed again, dragging his hand down his face before he stood.

"Come on." He mumbled, motioning for Tobi to follow him. Tobi bounced after Thomas.

Thomas stopped at the end of the hall, where he could see both Tobi and the rest of the kids in the other room. At the sound of the toilet flushing, Thomas turned his attention back to Tobi, who was washing his hands. Once done, he swung his hand around, flinging water everywhere. "Hey, use a paper towel." Thomas scolded, grabbing said paper towel and handing them to Tobi. They both exited the bathroom together and Tobi skipped to rejoin Zetsu over in the far corner.

As Thomas started to relax again an argument between Hidan and Kakuzu got louder, making it impossible for Thomas to ignore it. He sighed once more, pushing himself out of his chair and over to the two. "NO YOU STUPID OLD FUCK JASHIN _IS_ REAL!"Hidan yelled face turning redder and redder by the minute, fists clenched. "No he isn't. If he was then we wouldn't be like this." Kakuzu scoffed, gesturing to himself then Hidan.

This only seemed to anger the mini-Jashinist even more. "SCREW YOU THE FUCK OVER, KAKUZU!" Hidan yelled, jumping up to hit Kakuzu but was grabbed by the collar mid-jump. "FUCK! PUT ME DOWN YOU COCK-SUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!" he yelled, kicking around aimlessly. And then the worst happened…

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Hidan kicked Thomas in the balls.

Thomas screamed a scream that would put a five year old girls' scream to shame, dropping Hidan who was busy laughing his ass off, argument forgotten. Kakuzu sighed and shook his head, turning his attention back to the play money he took from the monopoly board game on the shelf.

At that moment, an older girl with short curly black hair and gold eyes came through the door, pausing at the sight before her: a full grown man on the floor holding his private area and bawling like a baby; a silver haired boy laughing and pointing at before-mentioned man, and another boy shaking his head while counting what looked like monopoly money. "Um, Thomas?" she asked attentively, approaching Thomas slowly.

He squeaked in reply. "What… happened?" she looked over to the boy who was still snickering to himself and raised an eyebrow questioningly. It was Kakuzu who answered instead though, not looking up from his (fake) money, "Hidan kicked him in the balls."

The girl nodded in understanding, looking at Hidan. "So you're Hidan?" she asked him.

He nodded, a smirk lingering on his face.

Awhile later, Gaki had met the rest of the Akatsuki; Thomas had vowed to stay away from Hidan and stayedover in the corner near Tobi, Zetsu, Kisame, and Itachi. Gaki had stepped out of the room for a minute to check on Ace, leaving Thomas alone with the toddlers.

Currently, he was sitting near Itachi, who had his eyes closed and seemed to be meditating, while talking to Tobi.

"So Tobi," Thomas started, "why do you wear that mask?"

Tobi looked up from the colorful pop-up book he was looking at to answer Thomas. "So no one will see Tobi's face." He said in a 'duh, stupid' manner somehow managing to keep his cheerful tone.

"Why? Is it some type of game you're playing-" as Thomas was saying this, he reached out as if to try and take off Tobi's mask but Tobi jumped back, letting out a shrill, high pitched scream. Thomas pulled his hand back, taken off guard by Tobi's reaction.

"No it's ok, I won't take your mask!" Thomas said frantically, trying to get Tobi to shut up. Tobi continued to scream, ignoring Thomas's attempts to quiet him. This continued for what seemed like hours for Thomas (but was actually only 5 minutes) before Gaki finally came back.

"Thomas what did you do?" she yelled over Tobi"s screaming.

"I only asked him about his mask and he started screaming." Thomas yelled back.

Gaki shot Thomas a look before she picked up Tobi and pushed down the mask where his mouth would have been, muffling his screams. "Tobi, if you be quiet I'll give you some candy." She told him. Tobi instantly stopped and nodded. "Ok, Gaki-san."

**To be continued… (Maybe)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Akatsuki Goes to Daycare Part 3**

A little bit before, Gaki left to help ace bring in the food, leaving Thomas alone with the children. He stared at the clock, willing the end of the day to come so he could get away from the devil-spawn (Hidan) and the banshee (Tobi), and finally get some well-deserved rest. Soon, his daydreaming became actual dreams as he dozed off.

Hidan looked over at Thomas's sleeping form and grinned evilly, a light bulb going off over his head. Kakuzu glanced up at his partner and shook his head, knowing his plan was going to somehow going to backfire. "Hey Konan-chan…" Hidan approached said girl, who eyed him suspiciously.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Do you still have that nail polish that bit- I mean Naomi gave you?" Hidan requested politely.

Konan blanched. "Why do you need _nail polish_?"

"It's not for me. Do you have it?"

After a moment of hesitation, Konan gave him the red nail polish. Hidan cackled to himself and tip-toed over to the snoring Thomas.

"Thomas! WHAT HAPP- WAKE UP!" The screech brought Thomas back to the world of the living with a frightened snort. He tipped his chair over in the process of trying to get away from Ace's harsh beating.

"Wha-? I didn't do anything!" Thomas yelled back at the angry girl who was beating at him with a jumbo block.

"YOU FELL ASLEEP, BAKA! Chōdo kono basho de mite! Soshite, anata ga anata no kao ni nani o shimashita ka?! Watashi wa 10-funkan hitori de anata o nokosu koto wa dekimasen!" The girl continued assaulting poor Thomas with the block as she scolded him in Japanese.

The majority of the room was… destroyed, to say the least. Hidan had somehow gotten Tobi to help him "decorate" the room with various supplies they found in the closet. There was some type of cotton fluff covering almost every surface with glitter and multiple colors of paint splattered everywhere. And Thomas…

Thomas had a manicure (albeit a sloppy one) and red nail polish on his lips like lipstick. His chin-length brown hair was braided into crazy looking fish tails that were done so they stuck out at odd angles and he had a powder covering his cheeks as if he were blushing. "I'm sorry, Ace! You know how those pain pills make me sleepy!" he wailed, close to tears.

"Um… Let's go to the other room so the kids can eat." Gaki said, trying to pull the steaming Ace away from Thomas.

Gaki continued to try to calm Ace down as the now-injured Thomas led the children to another classroom that none of the other teachers used. Hidan snickered smugly as he followed Thomas, who kept giving him the evil eye over his shoulder. Kakuzu, who was next to Hidan as usual, sighed and faced-palmed at his partner's idiocy. "Why did you put a 'Hidan was here' sign on his back? Now you're going to get caught." He scolded.

Hidan's snickering stopped as he mulled this over. "Oh yeah…"

Kakuzu suddenly felt the urge to bang his head on the wall. Instead, he hit Hidan over the head. "Idiot."

This lead to another argument between the duo.

**(A/n: Yes, I know it has been almost a year [tomorrow makes a year] since I updated this. I dunno why I decided to, just felt like it. I felt like this chapter sucked . I hate it when I write sucky chapters.**

**I forgot the exact translation of what Ace said, but I know it goes along the lines of, "Just look at this place! And what's wrong with your face?! I can't leave you alone for ten minutes!"**

**Yeah, so I might update this again, I might not [depends on the reviews]. Let me know.**

**-See y'all later.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took me awhile to update. I just figured out I can update this from my sister's iPod, so yea. Enjoy and review and all that shit.**

**OH YEAH! Go check out my oneshot; it's also a crackfic.**

**Yeah, so go read. Go on. Shoo!**

* * *

><p><strong>Akatsuki Goes to Daycare pt 4 <strong>

After the Akatsuki had eaten lunch, Ace rounded them up near the kitchen. "Ok!" She clapped her hands to get the chattering toddlers' attention. "We're going to be making your snack for this afternoon since it's y'all first day here, and we want you to know what types of rewards you can get if you behave."

Itachi raised his hand. "Yes, Itachi?" Ace asked.

"Will we be making dango?"

"Yes, that will be one of the options. The other will be pocky. " she answered. "Who wants to make dango, and who wants to make pocky?"

Five minutes after getting the children into two groups of five, Ace led them all into the kitchen. They were separated into two teams: Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Zetsu were on the team to make dango; Nagato, Konan, Deidara, Hidan, and Sasori were on the team to make pocky.

The two teams sat at tables on different sides of the large room and got to work. Halfway through, Hidan got bored of following Ace's directions, so when she wasn't looking; he snuck over to the other team's table.

"What are you doing, idiot!" Kakuzu hissed. "Go back to your own table."

"Hell no!" Hidan scoffed. "That bitch is boring as fuck." He complained.

"We'll you're not wanted here so go away." Kakuzu glared at the boy.

"No!" Hidan huffed, pouting like a spoiled child. "You can't make me!"

Kakuzu grabbed his arm and started tugging him back to his own table. "Hey! You're getting this shitty flour all on my arm!" Hidan yelled. His next move set off a chain reaction of chaos.

The albino child grabbed a handful of the white dango flour and tried to throw it at the miser but missed (even though he was standing right next to him). Instead, it hit Zetsu.

The plant boy glared at Hidan and in return, threw some back at him. Hidan ducked and it struck Kakuzu dead in the face. Kakuzu growled and grabbed the first thing he touched back at Zetsu, which happened to be an egg. It smacked into the side of Itachi's head, and from then on it only seemed to get worse.

The two adults in the room, Ace and Thomas, tried to stop the snowballing food fight, but to no avail. By the time they did get everything under control, the entire room and all of it's inhabitants were caked in eggs, flour, chocolate, and some unknown substance.

Ace stood glaring at all of the bashful looking children in front of her who refused to look her in the eye. "Well," she started, "Who started this mess?" She asked in a low, deadly tone.

Instantly everyone pointed at Hidan who glared at all his comrades. "Traitors!" He hissed.

"Hidan!" Ace said, a sweet, malicious undertone to her voice. "Come here."

Said boy suddenly turned pale, fearing his punishment. "U-um, yes?" He asked in a small, timid voice once he slowly approached the girl, who had gained a dark aura.

Ace suddenly lashed out and grabbed Hidan in a vice-like grip and tugged him back into the kitchen. "I want you to clean up every bit of food in here, do you hear me? And if you don't..." She bent down to whisper in the petrified boy's ear. "I am going to kill you. Got it?"

Hidan nodded eagerly, almost ready to dart from the room. He had learned that he lost his immortality in the form of a child, and the thought of dying at the hands of an angry daycare worker did not appease him at all.

The members who had been eavesdropping at the door scurried to get away as Ace turned to rejoin them. Tobi tugged at Zetsu's sleeve. "Remind Tobi not to make Ace-chan angry..." He whispered.

Zetsu nodded silently in agreement.

"Now," Ace chirped as she reappeared in the doorway, "Let's continue in the other kitchen shall we?"


End file.
